Live and let die

I would say for those of us 35 and older, we knew of Dr Kevorkian. For those That don’t know him, he was a Doctor who assisted people with their suicides. The government didn’t care much for him because at the time it was against the law to assist someone with killing themselves.

I never really understood that. If you’re going to commit suicide, it’s gonna happen. What does it matter if a professional doctor administers chemicals into your body they will let you pass peacefully? Why does the government or anyone for that matter get to say how you go? 

When I think about this I think about the same lines of abortion. There are some people that want it banned. You’re not gonna ban abortion, you’re going to ban the safe way of getting an abortion. I mean we’re not getting rid of wire hangers or bleach anytime soon.

So what is it about allowing someone to pass on their own terms? If they are of sound mind, then why not? No I’m not saying somebody doing it right after they find out their spouse cheated or their child passed or whatever. I’m talking about somebody who is physically or mentally ill who just does not want to continue living that way.

I remember telling my dad that’s if it wasn’t for my daughter, I would probably take the Kurt Cobain route. Am I sad? No. Am I in pain? Yes. But again that’s out of the question because of the love for my daughter. I just think that if someone is in pain or if they have an uncurable disease, then they should be able to end that when they want. And they should be able to do it on their terms, peacefully. Because weather it’s chemicals shot into your veins, or a rope around your neck. You’re going to get the same outcome.

Let’s talk about this thing called life.

When i was younger my dad was in a car accident while working that was pretty bad. His car flipped over a few times, flipped over some railroad tracks and landed wheels up.  Luckily he was just a little banged up and all I can really remember was seeing him with a neck brace on.  Being as young as I was, I didn’t understand the severity of what could have came from that accident.

In 2013 I saw first hand what alcohol can do to someone when my uncle passed away from cirrhosis. It sucked seeing someone who was such a strong person slowly deteriorate.

Around last year, one of my mom’s had a slight heart attack.  That was one of the first times in my life that I was truly scared about losing someone close to me.  Thankfully nothing serious came from it and now she is back to being her old grouchy self again lol.

Now lets fast forward to a few weeks ago.  My sister called me saying that my biological mom was in the hospital due to excessive bleeding. Side note, my mom has not been to a doctor/hospital in about 33 years.  Yes, 33 years is not a misprint.  Anyways, so my sister and some other family members convinced my mom to get a biopsy even though she is scared shitless of doctors.

Last week again my sister called me, and informed me that it was stage 2 uterine cancer.  Now a part of me was saying “fuck, it’s cancer”.  Then another part of me was saying “well it is uterine so an operation and chemo should kill it”.   But here is the thing.  My mom and stepdad do not really believe in pharmaceutical drugs and crap like that, they lean more towards the natural b.s..

So I just sat there thinking to myself. Is she going to take the advice from the doctors or is she going to just try some natural bs that probably wont work?  But as I sat there, now with tears in my eyes, I said, well who am I to judge.  She can do what she wants because it’s her life. I understand that some may find that disheartening, but if I was sick, I wouldn’t want people telling me what to do.

This I believe is where my sister and I are going to butt heads.  I have told my mother that i will support her in any decision that she makes. Mind you, ANY DECISION THAT SHE MAKES, not what my sister wants or what my stepdad wants.  My sister on the other hand wants my mother to do all she can to get healthy and I agree with her.  But you can’t force someone to go through chemo, or radiation, or take pills the rest of their life if they don’t want to. I feel it would be selfish of me to tell you what to do.

I did go to Missouri a few days ago to see my mom and sister.  I went not only because it had been a few years since i’ve seen my mom but also because i wanted to tell her to her face that I support whatever she does and that I love her.  I also went up there to try to convince her that my sister needs to be her power of attorney and not my stepdad.  Now this is NOT meant as a slap in the face to my stepdad.  He is a truck driver and it could take him up to 48 hours to get back home.   If something were to happen to my mom, I wouldn’t want them to try to get a hold of him and him not answer his phone or can’t come back right away.  Leaving my sister there helpless. I also wanted to try to get my mom to let us know what she wants done funeral wise. Unfortunately my mom thinks that we are trying to put her in her grave already and of course that is not the case. I just want everything in writing so my sister and my stepdad don’t end up fighting over her wishes if she tells him one thing and tells us another.

Because my sister lives in Missouri, just 40 minutes away from my mom, I give her total respect and love for taking on this responsibility of caring for our mom.  I could move up there and help her but i think that would do more harm than good. My sister has lived with my mom since she was born and knows how to deal with my mom, unlike myself who hasn’t lived with her since i was 7.  My mother is set in her ways and my sister is used to it, whereas I am not.

My mom has agreed to have the operation, but the chemo/radiation will be the big obstacle.  Now we just have to wait and see…