A letter to my unborn child.

Dear ***********

Your mother is in the living room sleeping on the couch because you are making it too uncomfortable for her to sleep on the bed, guess you can say you are already being difficult. I on the other hand, am sitting here in the bedroom thinking how much my life is going to change when you finally come into this world.  I’ve stated before that I started a new chapter in the book of life when I started to date your mother, but you little girl, are going to be a whole new book.  A book that I never thought I would have in my hands.

I sit here wondering what you are going to look like.  We’ve seen ultrasound pictures, but those are just pixels on a piece of paper.  Will you have my eyes?  Will you have your moms’ lips?  Hopefully you have her hair, although your mom has already said she hopes you don’t.

When your mother said she was pregnant, I knew that my life was no longer about me, it was about you.  People have told me that I am going to spoil you, and they’re probably right, but I’m also going to be hard on you.   I’m going to be hard on you because my job is to be your father, not your friend.  You won’t understand that for probably the first 20 years of your life, but you will.

You’re coming into this world with a mom who is going to love and care for you tremendously. I know this because she already does the same with your brother and sister.  Your mom is very chill…as long as you listen. So, my advice to you is to do what your told. Cause honestly, I don’t want to hear your mom yell.

As for the other people in the family, they will love you in their own way. I’m sure your brother and sister will pick on you just as I picked on your aunts.  And I know your grandparents are going to spoil the heck out of you and it’s going to upset me when I tell them no to something and they’ll do it anyways.  But that’s ok, it their job as grandparents.

As for me, your dad.  Well…  I’m going to cheer you on as you take your first steps. I’m going to cheer you on as you ride your bike for the first time without your training wheels.  I’m going to cheer you on when you get stage fright in the school play.  I’m going to cheer you on as you walk to get your diploma.

I’m going to support you when you do a goofy volcano for a science project. I’m going to support you when you choose what career you are going to go to college for. I’m going to support you when you tell me you are in love with your boyfriend…. or girlfriend.

I’m going to love you the moment our eyes meet in the delivery room.  I’m going to love you when you draw on the wall.  I’m going to love you when you don’t get an “A” in math. I’m going to love you when you tell me you hate me as you slam your bedroom door. I’m going to love you when you start to date a boy that I disapprove of.  I know all of this because I love you more than anything in the world right now and we haven’t even met.

Love,

Dad

WTF?

Well, there really isn’t much you can say about this stupid ass video.  First off, I used to be a Iggy Azalea fan when she was underground. But of course as it usually happens when artist go mainstream, their music starts to get too commercialized.  Second, whoever the parents are of these kids can eat a bowl of dicks. At what point in time while standing there during the taping of the video did they start to think, “Im so proud my kid is in a video that’s basically soft porn”. Third, Iggy already had an ass on her so why the hell did she have to go get butt implants/injections?  Shit just doesn’t look natural.

Oscars 2016

Not even 5 minutes in and already tired of hearing about this bullshit white oscar controversy.  I understand that there may be some who say that there are not enough black nominees.  That’s fine to have your views on that.  But to say that the Academy must nominate people of color, kind of puts the whole “not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character” thing out the window.  If studios stop green lighting stupid movies like this, 

and start releasing movies that show how good black (minority) actors can be, then perhaps the Acadamy would be more willing to nominate them.

Chris Rock is comedy. I like his take on the whole white oscar situation.  He’s right, not everything is racist and not everything is sexist.

Charlize Theron is so gorgeous.  She could walk out covered in dog shit and still look amazing.

I love Stacey Dash.  She is the kind of person who could give two shits on what you think of her and her views and I love it.  I can’t believe how old she was when she was in Clueless, she’s now actually 50 (or close to it). 64825

 

 

 

Priyanka Chopra…i’d suck a fart out of her ass. Not a fan on her voice though.

You know, the Oscars is three hours long. I think they could shave off an hour if they didn’t include the makeup, audio, storyboards, etc.

I’m still cracking up that Stallone was nominated for an Oscar and Michael B. Jordan wasn’t.  I mean, I understand it’s only for best supporting actor but come on.

Lady Gaga could sing over a trash compactor and make it sound amazing.  She has such a beautiful voice.

Finally Leo got his award.  Took a damn bear to get it.

266 lbs

266lbs.  That’s how much i weigh after this damn flu/cold that kicked my ass since Thursday night.  Not bad, being that i was just weighing in at 278lbs. I hate being sick.  Not so much the congestion and coughing, but because of my back being bad, every time i sneeze, my body locks up and im in so much pain. Seriously, my body going into paralyze mode for about four secs after the sneeze.  My bs VA doctors say its due to my muscles and tendons being tight. Anyways, it’s not fun.  Now my wifey is sick, poor girl.  She tries to take care of me and now she is fighting this crap.

Today’s classic movie of the day is Garbage Pail Kids. 

 

 

Made you look!

Today sucks balls.  I have that “i don’t give a shit” attitude right now and I know that’s not good.

First issue of the day, let’s talk about school.  I have one class left for my masters degree.  Guess who ran out of financial aid money?  This guy.  So not only do I have to pay uncle sam back for this bs degree, but now i have to pay out of pocket for my last class.  I damn near begged my school for a scholarship, but they weren’t having it.  Basically it’s shit in one hand, wish in the other.  I have no idea what i’m going to do with this degree other than hang the paper on the wall next to my bachelors.

So here I am, creating a  gofundme account for $1700 bucks to help pay for my last term and not a single donation.  (Mind you, i’m not working right now and only get my military disability as income, and i deleted that go fund me account).  Yet, this arrogant fuck, Kanye West can whine that he is $53 million in debt and some ass tard sets him up a go fund me and it reached a little over $8000 as of this writing.  Society has their priorities fucked.

comfort_Rheem_BillboardSpeaking of school, for my class I just had, I had to make a bullshit marketing billboard that dealt with suicide awareness and come up with a name for it. I felt this assignment was a joke, so i treated it as such.

 

 

 

Second issue of the day is the damn TSA. I’m still waiting on a response from them on if I’ll be able to move on to the next step of the job qualifications.  They had to put my medical on hold due to my diabetes.  They said i had to get a pass from my doctor saying that i was in ok health with diabetes.  My doctor passed me and now i’ve been waiting for a month to find out the results from TSA.  I understand that with it being a federal job, it’s going to be hurry up and wait like the military was.

Third issue of the day.  I spoke to my dad again yesterday about the possibility of moving to TX.  He said “well son, you have to do what you have to do”.  That’s the problem, if i did what i had to do, I would have robbed a fkn bank already…can’t pay the bills with monopoly money.  As much as i talk about wanting to move to TX, the big problem I have is that I have so many relatives that are getting up there in age, I don’t want to get a phone call saying one passed, then having to come up with funds to fly back here.  This leads me to my fourth issue of the day.

Fourth issue of the day.  Death is inevitable. I was at my aunt’s house last night where my grandparents live.  While there, my grandpa said something to my aunt that really struck a chord with me.  I won’t say what is was, but it further cemented the truth that people are only here for certain amout of time…then poof you’re gone.  It would be nice to have people in your life forever, but physically it’s not possible.  Of course you can be hooked up to a machine and let it live for you,but it’s just a body, not a person.  Its funny that here i am worried about how I or my family is going to be when other people in our family passes, when after I write this blog, I could get into a head on collision and….

 

 

1/7/2016

Today’s not a good day.  Nothing bad per say, just have a lot of shit going through my mind.  I just turned in my papers for the VA to fill out and that’s probably going to take a while to get back because the VA is slow as hell.

It’s frustrating when you apply for a job, don’t hear anything, then see a week later that the job was reposted on job sites. I think I’m just tired of being here.  My family is here but I don’t want to be.  My wife and I are supposed to be going to Austin in April and I already told her that maybe I’ll go up there a few weeks early and go job hunting.  I talked to my dad about going somewhere else to look for a job and he said I should do what i need to do.

When i left this shit hole midwest back in 99, it was hard to leave my family, but I joined the Air Force and it wasn’t like i was just going somewhere with no job.

I just spoke to one of my good friends last night about stuff.  I’ve known this guy since we were in the 5th grade, so I take his words to heart.  I told him that I feel like I haven’t accomplished shit.  I’m 36 and don’t have anything to show for it.  Yeah Im married, but that’s it.  No house, no kids, I bounce from job to job.  I hate it. He said be glad you don’t have kids you have to worry about at least.  I said that’s true, but if i did have kids, would that have put me in a different place today.  What i mean is that I would have to do whatever it takes to clothe and feed my kids.    I probably wouldn’t have been so quick to bounce between jobs.

This isn’t sour grapes.  I know I can’t go back in time, it just sucks when the time you wasted is longer than the time you have in front of you.  I think about those that go out and rob banks or rob people.  Like really, how many of them wanted to do that just to be a dick, vs those that did it because they ran out of options?

This leads me to religion.  I don’t want to say God or Jesus because this applies to all religions.  How long can you go asking for help or asking for something good, till you finally give up on the prayers?  Personally, I pray to Jesus.  Some would ask why I don’t pray to God? I don’t believe in God. I do believe in Jesus though.  I don’t believe that he walked on water or turned water into wine or any of that nonsense.  I believe that Jesus was a man at one time who did perform miracles, just not the type that i listed above.  When i say miracles, I mean that he helped people more than others did.  It’s kind of funny when  speak to people about religion.  How can you believe in Jesus but not believe in God, church or the bible? I believe in science.  When a person is killed by a drunk driver, who do you blame, the drunk or God?  The drunk right?  So why is it that when a doctor saves a heart attack victim, you hear “god is good” “god works miracles”.  God didn’t do shit, that doctor did.  The doctor is the one who should be getting praised.