This Christmas I think meant more to me than any others in the past. Around 6 family members, along with myself, had Covid. Watching those around us get sick and knowing that the hospitals can’t help, was draining. And although we all felt like death, we pulled through. Being a diabetic, what scares me right now is that I have noticed my eyesight is worse after having Covid. As I said, we pulled through it, but I think we all know someone, whether it be family or friends that has experienced a loss of someone from Covid. We also have to remember our troops who are overseas right now missing their families, not knowing if there family is healthy or if their spouse is being faithful. 20 years ago this week, I called my then girlfriend who was also in the service, to wish her a Merry Christmas. Her mom answered and said she was in the hospital, recovering from her abortion. I should have a 20 year old son right now, but she went behind my back, 5 months pregnant and gave into her moms demands that she aborts it. So I know first hand how our troops overseas right now on this Christmas day are feeling and what kind of thoughts are going through their head about their loved ones back home. As I stated, this Christmas meant more to me because it made you realize that its not the presents around the tree, but the presence of those around you, is what matters.
“You get what you fucking deserve”- Joker
When I hear this dialog in the movie Joker, it totally makes sense. I think about those who are mentally ill that can’t get the help they need. Then, when they snap and kill themselves or others, people question what could have been done to stop this person. Well, for starters, better mental health facilities with qualified staff would work.
From my personal experience, the VA comes to mind. You have staff there that has not dealt with or been trained to handle people with PTSD or mental illness. Of course you have a few psychologist or therapist that understand it, but even then you are pushed out into the civil sector with people who have no life experiences or can’t relate to the patient. All they have is a piece of paper or two hanging in a frame on the wall showing that they can write a thesis.
Around the later part of 2000, as Security Forces, I was in a foxhole with another SF member on our post. Like most SF members do when guarding something, you do “one up, one down” which basically means one person sleeps while the other stays awake. Of course this is frowned upon, but when you are working 12 hours shifts in the dark, it tends to happen. Anyways, one night it was my partners turn to stay up while I slept. Well, I woke up to something tapping the back of my head. When I opened my eyes, my partner was staring at me wide eyed. Then I hear “Airman Gonzales, you are fkn dead.” The staff sergeant took my loaded m16 and stuck it to the back of my head. That was the tapping that woke me up. My stupid mfkn partner fell asleep after me and could have gotten us killed. From that day forward, I do not like when people are behind me. Someone from my civilian job once came up behind me and flicked the back of my neck. Mind you I already told my coworkers not to come up behind me, yet this dumb shit thought it would be a good idea. Well, I turned around, made a fist and told him that if he ever did that again that I would fkn kill him. His smile didn’t last long when he noticed I wasn’t playing. Now of course I wasn’t really going to kill him, but I really would have jaw jacked him if I didn’t think before I acted.
The VA set me up with a therapist on the outside and it didn’t go so well. When the person says “well Robert, you know you should have probably stayed awake” it doesn’t sit well with me. No shit sherlock, I’m glad you studied a college text book to tell me that. This is why the VA needs to attract more healthcare veterans to work at the VA. You want to be able to talk to someone who possibly had the same or similar experiences as yourself.
At least the VA pays for my sessions. Honestly, I saw what they charged the VA and couldn’t believe it. How can someone who is mentally ill and homeless or living paycheck to paycheck be expected to pay these crazy amounts? Of course you may have health insurance, but you are only allotted so many times per year. You see someone for 12 sessions because that’s is all you are allowed, but a 13th session could have been the session that prevented you from killing yourself that night.
The system is not set up to help you, it is set up to help itself. When you are denied being seen by a mental health professional because you are homeless, have no insurance, no money, no means of payment, well …you get what you fucking deserve.
Here are my top three TOMM in no particular order.
- Stupid is as stupid does.
“Surveillance video shows border protection officers encourage teen to sip liquid meth solution that killed him”-NYDAILYNEWS. What kind of bullshit is this? The border protection officers encouragement didn’t lead to his death, his own dumb ass choices did. This kid knew exactly what was in those bottles. He got caught up in a situation where he was trying to pull a fast one on the officers and that shit backfired. If I’m going to carry liquid meth across the border and an agent tells me to drink some to prove it’s not drugs, best believe my monkey ass ain’t drinking that shit. Fuck this dumb ass guy.
2) Hmm..I wonder what the difference between these two are?
The picture on the left is of Charlie Gard who’s family was in the news for the past few months. He had a rare illness called mitochondrial DNA depletion syndrome. This disease weakens the bodies tissues and brain function. This issue here is that the doctors working on Charlie informed his parents that he should be taken off life support. They disagreed and asked to try an experimental drug on him that would reverse the illness. Close to 490,000 people signed a petition asking that he be allowed to travel to the US for treatment. The UK courts said nope and that’s when the US stepped in and gave Charlie citizenship so he could travel to the US without approval from the UK. A Dr from the US came in and tried to convince the UK courts that he could help Charlie. While waiting for an answer, the family gave up and just decided to have Charlie come home and die in hospice. The hospital in all its glory said sorry, his ventilator wont fit through the door. Well, a little to late as Charlie died a week before his birthday.
So 490,000 people came together to try to get this kid to the US. Funny, I didn’t see a petition going around for the kids on the right. I guess my question is, why is it ok to help one but not all? Why don’t these kids get the same news coverage as Charlie? And no, watching Sally Struthers at 2am talk about .35c a day doesn’t count.
3) Transgender ban in the military.
If you’re willing to put your life on the line for our country, more power to you, been there done that. However… I personally agree with the ban. Am I against transgender people? No. I just think that right now there are too many variables that the military would have to deal with. First, going TDY. If i present as a male today and am in an all male dorm/tent, then present as a female tomorrow, do I stay in the all male tent or does the unit officer go through the hassle of doing the paper work to move me to an all female tent/dorm? So now I’m in an all female tent, preop with a dick. There’s 12 females in this tent with you who don’t see you as transgender, they only see you as having a dick.
Second, service members have to be held to the same physical fitness standards of that of a male/female, not of the gender the person identifies with. Again, I’m a transgender female who is 67 inches, weighing 170 lbs, 4 lbs over the max limit. Now I present as a male whose weight limit for my age and height are 176 lbs, putting me under the limit by 6 lbs. How is that fair?
Third, it used to be that you went into the service to get free college, now you go in to get sex reassignment surgery or therapy. The issue here is that the military has to meet a quote on how many male/females join. If you’re a male today, female tomorrow, it kind of fucks numbers up. Also, tax payers aren’t going to be happy that their tax dollars are going to giving or taking away a penis.
Forth, you can not be combat ready if you rely on taking hormone treatments. You can’t be in a war zone for 6 months and skip treatments, it wouldn’t be healthy and may do damage.
What about Kristin Beck? She was a part of Seal Team 6 and is transgender. True, but she also transitioned when she got out of the military , so her argument with Trump and this ban holds no merit.
So i went to the VA today….
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Some people have asked me about Texas and why I say “I’m coming home”. No, I’m not from Texas, I’m from God’s wasteland called Iowa. I did live in Texas for a little less then a year. I ended up living in New Mexico during my time in the Air Force. Being gone those four years, showed me that the mid west is two years behind everyone else. I was stationed at Holloman AFB in Alamagordo. For anyone who’s been there, you know that it’s a boring city where you really can’t do shit but have sex, work and do drugs. I love the southwest. The smell of the air when it’s about to rain. The smell of the dirt when it’s raining, yes, it’s a thing. I miss the food and the culture. It’s where i fell in love with Chico’s Taco’s and Swisha House. I learned that Mike Jones was only a phone call away ( 2813308004).
During my time at Holloman, my boys and I would visit El Paso (specifically the bars) and we would visit Juarez and go to the Derby for their drink and drown deals. For those unfamiliar with drink and drown, it’s basically you pay $5 bucks and drink all night for free….and drink we sure did.
The southwest was home, even if it was just for those 4 years. I passed up orders to Germany because I loved it there. Well…to be honest, i passed up the orders because my girlfriend at the time was prego and I didn’t want to leave here by herself. But the southwest is where i wanted to raise our family. Long story short, we ended up not having a child and that’s a whole other story.
My mom had asked me why I came back and not stay in New Mexico or TX, since all i do is complain about being here. Honestly, I ask myself that question every day. My wife and I are going back to Tx in a few months to visit an old military friend and who knows, maybe she’ll fall in love with it as much as I did.
On this wonderful edition of Things On My Mind, let’s talk about veterans and healthcare. Making a special appearance is He-Man an She-Ra lol
So today im going to talk about the wonder VA Health Care. (insert sarcasm) Please watch my video.
Well, it’s 9:38am. I wanted to be at the gym at 8am. Now I know people usually do the gym thing right after new years, but as I stated in my last post, this is not a resolution. I want to go because of my health. I’m diabetic and my body has been feeling like shit. Blurry vision, back pain from the military, dizziness, vertigo, stomach issues, yada yada yada. So now I sit here an hour and thirty eight minutes after the target time. I could use that as an excuse and just say there is always tomorrow. But, just like me being a cubs fan and saying wait till next year, tomorrow may not come.
Before I go, I was talking to my wifey the other night about how you look back at shit and wonder how things would have played out if you did things differently. I was a very bad gambler. We’re talking cash my paycheck on the boat and play till you have nothing left gambling. I owe a lot to my sister for letting me live with her and her husband, even if my “bedroom” was a couch on their basement. I mean really, after the service and being a corrections officer, I didn’t have shit thanks to gambling. Believe me that shit created a lot of arguments between me, friends and family. When I worked at Center for Alcohol and Drug Services, the clients asked if i was a recovering addict like them. Well, yes, to a point. Gambling was my drug. The same uneasiness you experienced when that pipe was getting lit and then the calm serenity after you took that breath, is what I felt when i pulled that lever on the slot machine. It wasn’t until my dad called 1800 Bets Off that I stopped. Believe me, it wasn’t by choice. I had to go to meetings, I had to get my picture taken at each of the casinos and I was banned for life from all casinos in Iowa and IL. So again, I look back and think goddamn had you put that money towards your bills and not the slot machine, you’d have damn near perfect credit. O’well, like I’ve told my students, your eyes are on your face because you are supposed to look forward…
Off to the gym I go.
First things first…Cutler is a fkn idiot and needs to go. The Bears shouldn’t be this bad with all the good players on this team.
For some reason i think about death. I mean, not really how I’ll die, but my funeral. I guess it’s just planning ahead. I’ve told my wife that I want to be cremated, with part of my ashes spread in alamogordo and the other part kept for her. Of course though, she wasn’t going for it. I then told her to have my ashes added to some tattoo ink and get a small tattoo in remembrance of me. Nope. So then I said fk it, donate my body to the Body Farm. The problem with that though is that is, it’s expensive to ship my ass from here to Tennessee. I don’t really want a casket. I don’t see the point of paying all that money just to look good before you rot. I’m going to get a military funeral since I’m a veteran and of course my wife will get the flag, but after that, just throw my body to the wolves.
The funny thing is, even though I don’t want an actual funeral, I do want music played. I already have songs picked out. 1) I’ll fly with you by Gigi D’agostino 2)Broken Wings by Mister Mister 3) Father Figure by George Michael 4) My Way by Frank Sinatra 5)Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol and 6) My Immortal by Evanescence 7)Slippin by DMX 8) Celebration by Cool and the Gang. I know you’re probably thinking ..why? Each one of these songs has a special meaning to me which i won’t get into right now.
I know it’s crazy, but I also told my wife that if I do have to have a true funeral, I want my tattoos cut off and put in a case with formaldehyde to be put on display. Again, like the songs, each tattoo tells a story. Now, you and I both know that my wife wouldn’t do that, but I still think that would be pretty cool. Plus, I spent a lot of money on them, why not show them off in frames?
Did i mention how much Cutler sucks balls.
Veterans Day is coming up and I think that all veterans should get a mandatory paid day off on that day. When I say veteran, I’m not talking about all military men or women. Only those that have been TDY or who are out of the service. If you’re in the military and haven’t left the states, then really you’re not a veteran of anything. I know some won’t agree with that but hey..whatever.
Last Friday I had an interview at the Rock Island Arsenal for a security position. Being that I was Security Forces in the military I figured I would not have a problem landing it. They only had 10 positions available with 32 people showing up. I got there about 0840 for the 0900 interview that lasted about 15 minutes. They then made myself and 21 others wait until 230 just to tell us that we didn’t make the cut. I wan’t mad, just disappointed. I mean, there were a lot of qualified veterans, some medically retired. Friday night though I received a call for an interview today for a residential counselor position. I’m pretty excited and thought well maybe me not getting that job at the arsenal was a good thing. The pay is not very good but it is a foot in the door in the counseling world. I would eventually like to end up counseling at the VA.
My wifey and I are going to Puerto Villarta in Aug, should be fun. Here is the kicker though…I have wanted to go back to Texas since I first left in 2003. I’ve gone so far as telling wifey that if we were to get divorced, I’d hope on the first greyhound back. Well wouldn’t you know, our flight home first has a stop in Dallas. That sucks. Im trying to convince the airline to change our return date back to the shithole Midwest by at least 4 days. I have friends in Tex that I want to see. It will probably be a no go though. Just my luck.
Currently, I’m trying to order my book for class. I ordered it through amazon and they send me 2nd edition instead of 5th edition. Collage books are a joke. Especially now that they are moving toward electronic books. Example, I have to pay on average $65 to rent an electric book. This gives me access to this for 180 days. There is no way in hell that anyone should have to pay that just to rent a licensing fee.